Hyenas are Your Shady Homeboy, Ninja Buffalo, & The Real Ruler
Elephants Aint Never Scared
Honestly, elephants are now higher on my "I run this" list than lions. Unless you bring your entire set, aint nothing messing w/ them. We passed a place in the bush with like 30 broken trees snapped off at the trunk. Our guide Emmanuel (you know, the dung beetle tosser) was like "Yeah...sometimes elephants break down trees to feed their young, scratch their bellies, or play stickball." Possibly the last part was made up, but trees mane. Trees! Yall think elephants can't run because they're big. Nah, young Padawan, they don't run because they don’t have to.#staywoke
Hyenas are Paid in Full
Hyenas are the ultimate you should “judge a book by its cover” animal. The suprisingly big (and unsuprisingly uncute) suckers have no care as they lay around wherever and just bite chunks out of animals, whether dead or not. Now, they come off as halfway cool folks because you know if they were human they would buy everybody a round, be down for whatever, got hella jokes, and watch all the ball games. But they’re like if I met a dude and I knew he was shady, but we became cool like homeboys anyway. He then begins dating my sister claiming he’s a changed man. Howver, he then cheats on her with scrippers and gets strung out on Xanax. I can’t be mad at my (ex) homeboy. I should be mad at myself for not believing him when he showed me who he was. In short, hyenas are essentially Rico (Cam’ron) from Paid in Full.
Water Buffalo Don’t Believe in Private Space
They told us that sometimes animals roam through our camp space at night, so don’t walk from your room to the main cabin without a guide. Now, I figured they were overhyping the situation until when walking with my guide at night from the crib to the lodge, dude flashed his light at 2 water buffalo about 60 feet away. Two hours later when walking back to crib, my guide shined the light revealing a HUGE buffalo within 15 feet. Chillin. 10 feet more, there were 2 more. 20 feet more, like 3 more. Now, I pride myself on my Pine Bluff roots and being alert for whatever, but these hairy Volkswagens just would stroll up in hoofed isotoners w/o much of a sound. NOTE: They do charge and have killed people. NOTE NOTE: The next day a pride of lions strolled through camp at night. NOTE NOTE NOTE: The next morning, we left...
The Real Ruler of Everythang
Flies. Point.Blank.Period. These junks are vicious. Plus, who knew the tsetse fly still existed? I thought they stopped trending in the 1600’s or something. Lions were aggravated. Ostriches were trynna fly away. Hyenas, well...hyenas just chilled. These beings truly rule the bush, jungle, and wherever else you may be in the wild. They’re big, persistent, the most prevalent, laugh at predators (and spray), travel in packs, are all alphas, and I’m unsure if can die. I repeat. We’ve been lied. “Conspiracy theory me” thinks white imperialists rewrote history to not emphasize their dominance throughout history, but I’m here to let you know, once again...#staywoke
Folks come for the animals and I get it, but there are some fa real beautiful things out there that don’t play prey or appetizer. I just enjoyed riding, watching, feeling, and existing in it for a lil while. “Blessed” was the only word that came to mind.